BLT4ever

I wanted to express to you all, my sincerest heartfelt THANKS!!!  For all that you are, and all that you do.  For your invaluable friendship, your joy, struggles, laughter, tears.  Your comments, your booster notes, even just your very presence when there is no time for those other things.  Just knowing that I can come here to people who understand.  We are all in this boat together and I have never once felt let down by any of you.  Your love, support, and encouragement has meant the world to me.  This Thanksgiving I am thankful for so very many different things.  God has RICHLY, RICHLY, RICHLY blessed me with things that are far more valuable than money or anything that money could even hope to buy.  I just want you all to know that you ARE one of them.  You’re all in my heart, thoughts and prayers this Thanksgiving season and I wish I could squeeze through this monitor and hug each and every one of you.

Be happy, and have a blessed and joyful Thanksgiving!

For my weigh in yesterday I am down another 4 lbs.!  Woohoo!!!  I am down to 205 now.   I can see the wondrous and splendid beauty of Onderland in the distance and it grows closer every day!  My mini goal is set to 198 lbs.; I hope to get to it real soon too.  I want to get as close to 190 by Christmas time as is humanly possible.  My ultimate goal for right now is to get between 170-175 by Februrary 15th.  Hubby is due home around that time.  I know I can do this!  But it is going to have to be some hard work to get there.  I can’t allow myself to have any more screw ups like I did pretty much for the entire month of October!

We’re having Thanksgiving dinner here at our home.  We do every year because I love doing up the big spread.  My mom, her husband and my 19 year old brother are coming.  My mother and father in law are coming.  My brother in law is coming, and my sister in law with her 12 year old daughter will be there too.  In the evening my daughters boyfriend will be there, and another friend of the family too.  I got two turkeys so that we will have an abundance and be able to have lots of leftovers for everyone; a 12 pounder that I am going to cook on Wednesday and a 25 pounder that I’m going to cook on Thanksgiving day.   Going to make all the various different pies and whatnot on Wednesday too.  Going to have all the fixings too…stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas & corn, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, black olives, crescent rolls, cranberry sauce…hmm wonder if I forgot anything lol.  I also got some cranraspberry juice to mix with some rum for the adults.  To snack on throughout the day there will be various cheeses and crackers, chips and dip, veggies and dip too.  Lots and lots of food stuffs.  I ridiculous amount of food stuffs lol.  I imagine it’s going to be much the same at all your homes, too.  How I’m going to handle it is this; I am going to eat whatever I want to eat.  But, I am NOT going to eat until I get full, only until I am no longer hungry.  I also am NOT going to be grazing on all the snacks throughout the day.  I also am going to get in my workouts still.  Beginning with the hill run that is a total of three miles, at 5:30 am.  I will sneak into the garage midday to get in my forty mintues of strength training.  Then in the evening, rather then doing an hour of full on cardio, I am going to initiate a family walk outdoors.  It’s going to be AWESOME!

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” - Sigmund Freud

Just read that quote and really like it.  It makes me think of the growing I’ve done while working hard to lose weight and get healthy.  It truly has been an experience I will forever be grateful for.  I have evolved so much, and none of the internal changes that have occurred would have occurred if I hadn’t had been a big old fatty in need of change.  I felt so good about myself and my looks yesterday morning.  I had my makeup and hair done (which by the way, is black and red but it is

tasteful and looks good), and the outfit I was wearing, my Levi 501’s (that are muffin-top free!!!!!!!!), a tan sweater and I wore my tan suede heals….it all just went together nicely (should’ve taken a picture), and for the first time in I think my entire life, I looked at myself in the mirror and truly liked what I saw there.  So often I’ve looked at old pictures of me when I was about the size I am now and I’d think to myself what an idiot I used to be because I never liked who I was and always thought I was fat and ugly.  Well, now I’m getting back to where I was then and I think this time around I’ve learned to appreciate who I am.  I know part of it may come with age and maturity, but the VAST majority of it comes from

having been so hugely obese and I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now.  It is so true, you really appreciate the things you work hard for.  I won’t be weighing over 200 lbs much longer at all (so far I’ve lost 45 lbs since July 21st; 133 lbs total).  It’s a very exciting milestone coming up!  I’ve not been under 200 lbs since before I got pregnant with

Britney, my 18 year old daughter!  But you know, more so than how I think I am “looking”, I am in love with how I’m feeling inside.  Yeah, I’m sure a lot of it comes from the endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine from all my exercising….but

hey, who cares lol.  It feels so darn good to be alive, and to actually like and respect myself to the point where I feel I AM worthy and I know how good it feels to have self confidence….who’d of ever thunk it of me?  LOL  Certainly not old me.  Old me would never have dreamed of having self confidence.

So, this year, I am thankful to God for all my many blessings: my husband, our children, our home, our extended family, my health and fitness level, our pets, our vehicles….but above it all, I am thankful for my past adversities because it is those that I have learned from.  I am thankful that I was morbidly obese once upon a time, because it forced me into a self learning adventure that I cannot even begin to describe the depth of my thank-fullness for experiencing.  I LOVE who I am, and who I am becoming and I can now look back at who I was with love, compassion and understanding….rather than hatred and loathing.

Have a beautiful, healthy and happy Thanksgiving week!

After putting together my latest “before and current” photo, I decided I wanted to put all of the ones I’ve got on here together in one spot.  To be able to look them all over at one time.  So, here they all are:

Wow…quite a long time between the last two, eh?  LOL

After the August pic I kind of maintained weight for a few months.  Then went up and down for a few months.  Then in May 08′ I had my gallbladder surgery and put on 30 lbs. again during my six weeks of recovery, and then directly after that my husband was home for two weeks to visit and during that eight weeks total I didn’t do any exercising and ate whatever.  So, it’s no wonder I gained again.  Got back up to 248 by the time he went back to Iraq on July 17th.  But, I went back on track on July 21st and have been working at it ever since again.  Been waiting to take another pic until I get into that famous Onderland I’ve heard so much about!  But, decided that is just silly.  So, finally took another pic.

It’s amazing to me, seeing the old fat pics of me.  I honestly cannot believe I was ever so big and it’s hard to remember.  I think that every so often we need to step back and take a look at how far we’ve come, and remember where we were.  That helps us to appreciate where we are now.  You know I couldn’t tie my shoes back then?  Couldn’t paint my toe nails either.  I actually had to have my daughter tie my shoes and paint my toe nails!  I also couldn’t walk upstairs to my bedroom without running out of breath.  It was so bad, that if I needed something I would ask one of my kids to go up there and get it for me.  How pathetic is that?  I’d say I’m ashamed of how I was.  But, I can’t really honestly say that either, because it is true that I am very thankful for where I was.  If I hadn’t been like that, I’d never be where I am now.

I should make a list of all the things I used to not be able to do, that I can do now….and vice versa!  Will have to do that one of these days.

You do not choose your destiny;

it chooses you.

And those who knew you before fate took you by the hand

cannot understand the depths of the changes inside.

~from the television series, “Heroes”~

When I pulled out my “fat jeans” and saw just how big they are!  I saved that one pair…my favorite pair, a size 26 that used to be a little on the tight side for me.  Pulled them out of the closet today and damn near cried.  I have come so far!!!!  Never again will I give myself grief because I am still feeling fat sometimes, or because the weight comes off slower than I’d like.

OMG you guys, look at these pics:

and here I put both of my legs into one leg of the jeans lol:

I am SOOOOO happy you guys!  I have aways to go until I’m done, but you know what?  Who cares!  LOL

I have very little time to write here tonight, as we’re doing some “Autumn cleaning”.  Had to drop in though, to let everyone know that I am alive and kicking!  I weighed in this morning and it still shows a 4 lb loss for the week.  I’ll take it!!!!  LOL  TOM will be arriving most likely tomorrow.  So heck, to be showing the 4 lb loss in spite of his immanent arrival…woohoo!

Last night I ran 3.6 miles instead of my usual 3 miles with my doggie (he is simply the BEST running partner ever!!!).  I was just feeling it and wanted to go further.  I couldn’t be more pleased!

Anyway, that’s it from me for today.  I hope that everyone is doing well and that we’re all excited to start a new week with new goals!

I very recently re-joined my old teammates, the Wildcats.  I was on the team waaaaaaaaay back when WonderWoman first started it up and we were the Redhots!  I’ve missed the team but haven’t felt that I have been ready to be back on a full fledged competition team, if you know what I mean.  Had to get my act together first, is what I was feeling like anyway.  So, I’m back now and for my first weigh in today I’ve got a most excellent loss of 4 lbs.!  This is going by my last regular weigh in on Sunday the 9th.  I’m not going to update my ticker today though.  I’m going to stick to my regular Sunday weigh ins and will continue to use that as my “off” day.  Will update my ticker then.  I am sorely tempted to do so now because it’s such a nice loss, but I just gotta stick to my usual Sunday routine because that’s what works for me.  In the mean time, I am seriously hoping to take off another pound or two, if I can.

Going out for my hill walk/run in a little while here.  I took pics of it when we went Tuesday but I’ve not got em’ uploaded yet.  Forgot all about it.  It’s really hard to get perspective on the hill, even in the pics.  It’s around a 45 degree angle, a serious severe angle and lasts for a half a mile at that angle.  I get excited when I think about my workout on the hill!  It starts out with that half mile climb, then when you get to the top it starts to level out for about twenty feet or so and then gradually drops (at around a 15 degree angle) over the next 9/10 of a mile when you come upon a kids play park at the next leveled out area.  I run that 9/10th of a mile downhill, turn around at the park and then run back up to where I started running from for a total of 1.8 miles, and then walk down the severe angle for the last half mile again.  The whole circuit is 2.8 miles and it is by far the best, most strenuous workout I do.  Running at the downhill isn’t too bad, but coming back up torturous!  I LOVE it!  Maybe later today I’ll actually remember to upload the pics I took at Tuesdays walk/run.

I have been thinking about and trying to decide which workout I want to do Thanksgiving morning, because I am going to be getting up at 5 am to do it so that I can get it in before all the cooking I’ve got to get done, and since it is Thanksgiving I want it to be my favorite.  The one that means the most to me.  I could wimp out and do the strength training because that is the easiest, but it’s not one that really means anything to me.  For awhile there I was thinking I’d run my usual track at La Ladera park because that one is near and dear to my heart.  But I’ve decided to do the hill because now that I’ve started running that 1.8 mile portion I find that one is the most dear to me.  The first time I did it, this last Tuesday, I thought I was going to cry when I finished.  It was so gruelling!  The whole way back, going up the smaller incline (which isn’t “small” by any means), something in me wanted to quit and I pushed myself little bit by little bit and finished!

By the way, I scored a 14!

In writing to a fellow buddy here on buddyslim, Jo, I have come to realize that it was me who sabotaged my weigh in this last Sunday.  Yeah, it was still a loss, albeit only 1 lb.  But, it would’ve been better.  I went over the way I did things last week and even though I ate pretty good and I did get in at least one cardio every day and three days that included cardio and strength training…I did not drink as much water every day as I should have.  To top that off, on Friday night I had two pieces of cheese pizza and a HUGE diet coke.  Take the sodium from the pizza, the diet coke, and combine it with not drinking as much water as I should have…well there is the most likely reason I did not lose more than the one pound.  Okay, I can deal with that and move on.  This week I vow to have NO soda (which is something I’ve always believed in for losing weight anyway), and I will make sure I get in all my water before falling asleep even if it means drinking it all down right before I go to sleep.  I will also continue sticking to my 1200-1500 calorie range for food.  AND!!!!  I will run again!!!!  Now that my foot is all better I am back to running again, and I’m back to climbing up that big hill I’ve talked about before.  So, I’m back to my two-three hours of workouts daily and that combined with my calories and water, the weight should start coming off good again.

This morning I got in my three mile run!  When I rounded the bend to finish up the second mile my mind tried telling me to stop, that two miles WAS good enough.  Yeah, it would’ve been good enough and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  BUT, I went there to get in three miles and dammit I wasn’t going away without three miles done!

My new schedule is:

• Mondays - 8:30 am 3 mile run; 1:30 40 minutes strength training; 6:30 kickboxing.
• Tuesdays-9:00 am bible study; 11:00 am stationary bike cardio; 3:00 40 minutes strength training; 7:00 karate
•  Wednesdays - 8:30 am 3.2 mile hill walk; 1:30 40 minutes strength training; 6:30 kickboxing
• Thursdays - 8:30 am 3 mile run; 1:30 40 minutes strength training; 7:00 karate
• Fridays - 8:30 am 3.2 mile hill walk; 1:30 40 minutes strength training; 6:30 kickboxing
• Saturdays -7:30 am 1.5 mile walk followed by 1 hour of karate followed by 1 hour of kickboxing followed by 1.5 mile walk home; 3:00 pm 40 minutes strength training.
• Sundays - NOTHING!!! hehe

But not all bad I suppose.  I did lost one whole pound.  Yeah, I would like to bitch and complain about that, because only one pound gone kind of sucks, it is true.  Especially when you work out as much as I do, AND I had a good eating week.  I just can’t seem to get the heck under 210 and closer to Onderland!  I’ve been stalled right around here for the past month and it’s driving me mad.  Oh well, I am going to suck it up and press ever onward.  Going to do everything in my power to make this next week my best one yet!

Got in a 3 mile run yesterday.  Took my dog with this time, for the first time ever.  He LOVED it!!!  I was afraid he would want to wander off from side to side and get in my way or drag me down the street…something bad in some way lol but no, he was exceptionally good!  I will be taking him with me from here on out.

hehe I love this pic of him:

My orange belt test last night was AWESOME!!!  We yellow belts were nervous as hell…I imagine everyone in there testing was nervous, that’s just the way it goes.  It’s kind of silly because it’s really no different than regular class, it’s just that Sensei makes you do something all by yourself out there on the floor in front of everyone…and besides that, it is a test after all.  Thing is though, in order to not pass you’ve got to royally screw up because Sensei will not allow you to test if you truly aren’t ready for it.

After my test my kids and I, and a good friend of ours and his daughter, had an all nighter here at the house where we ate pizza and played video/computer games all night long.  Didn’t get to sleep until 5 am this morning.  I am sure that the pizza and diet soda did not help my weight loss endeavors in the least tiniest bit, but who cares?  It was good times to celebrate a milestone event for me.  Today I am making up for it in the hopes that the scale will show a loss for me tomorrow in spite of last night’s bad eating.

Bit of good news - my foot is no longer in agony when I wear shoes!!!  WOOT!!!  That means I can start running again.  I’m going to get in a run today to celebrate.  Then all next week, it’s business as usual for me and I am going to do everything in my power to pull off a big loss for next week’s weigh in.  I am sick and tired of sitting around the 210-214 mark.  It’s been about five weeks that I’ve been hanging out in that bracket and I can’t take it any more!

I’m near the far right, to the right of Sensei Ric.